Tuesday 13 July 2010

Fractured Heart

Once again the fragile fabric that helps adhere our relationship together -
 Mother and Daughter
- has been stretched almost irrevocably;
the frail framework splintered,
sending shards shooting into my aching heart.
A fractured heart that beats only for my babies and their babies.

I trod on a thousand eggshells
and tragically cracked one too many;
now, once again, I feel the wrath of my tortured first born.

So many times this has happened;
each time I pray it will be the last.
Hoping for forgiveness for something only she knows;
unable to stop or understand her need to hurt me.

Beautiful memories of proudly loving my eldest;
fending off her bullies, changing schools;
worshipping the ground on which she danced and skipped;
slowly nullified and blurred by a million tears.

Teenage years often painful, but how we laughed!
then cried for different reasons.
Accusations made, excruciating pain beyond belief 
for she hated me.
Never being right - Always being wrong,
yet feeling her misery
none-the-less.

I searched for months unaware that it was she
 who had instigated and orchestrated our separation;
amid hurtful, hostile lies.

Fifteen years on I still search for her;
the child I cherished more than life itself.
For she was my life
and now she wants me withdrawn from hers. 

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