Commitmentphobic

Women who are unfortunate enough to be married to men who are being destructive within the marriage often resort to a childlike dependency on their partner.  Perhaps they act this way because subconsiously they believe it is easier to relinguish all adult responsibility therefore making it impossible to walk away from the relationship? 

Marriage does not automatically tie a man down or make a commitmentphobic settle comfortably.  Marriage can infact have the reverse effect making a man or indeed, a woman, feel trapped, closed in, restrained.  Common ways in which a commitmentphobic may behave:

• Pretends and believes he/she is not in a committed relationship
• Refuses partner access to various areas in his life
• Refuses to discuss relationship with partner
• Refuses to discuss emotions with partner

 Although commitmentphobics may genuinely love their partner, their over-whelming fear of commitment constantly forms an emotional barrier within the relationship.  The commitmentphobe may  get angry with their partner, subconsciously and irrationally blaming them for putting them in a situation of emotional conflict. 

When trying to convince themselves of their status, infidelity may be used as affirming to themselves, the reality of a "real relationship".  Infidelity may be used to prove to themselves that the relationship doesn`t mean anything to them and they are not infact, trapped.

When people think differently, the ability to judge is hampered by using the wrong criteria.  We assume that others will react and respond in the same way we do, when in reality the opposite is often more likely.  Just because we are human beings does not mean we will all interpret words and behaviours in the same way.  We may assume that he has the same goals and levels of emotional maturity and integrity as us; but how can he?  It doesn`t mean that he doesn`t want us; he just cant handle what we want. 

A commitmentphobic responds more to fantasy than to reality.