I don`t love you anymore

The words below are taken from a song I penned several years ago when I was preparing to leave the father of my three eldest children. It was a hugely emotional time for us all and I desperately wanted to leave the relationship on "friendly" terms. I was later to realise that this was never going to happen as he still loved me and love can, and so often does, border on hate. This was to become painfully evident as time went on.  After I had written the words down on paper I realised how powerful they were in expressing the true emotions I had hidden  for a long time whilst suffering in the relationship. To write has always been both cathartic and theraputic for me in times of emotional turmoil and the words in this poem screamed out my pain and frustration more than any other way of expressing them.

My son is now twenty four and a talented singer/songwriter. He is a professional vocalist and tours England with his band. One day I asked him if he would like to put his own music and connotations to any of my lyrics. He said he would love to and went away with several pieces I had written over the years. A few months later I was both shocked and exhilarated to learn that he had chosen this song to work with. He came round to my house to play me the disc he had recorded.  I didn`t know what to expect, and he certainly did not disappoint me. 

From the first sound of his voice.....I cried.

He had changed the melody and tempo of my original composition and omitted several verses but sang with such passion I was unable to contain my mixed emotions. I explained to him some of the sentiments and pain behind the words. It was then that I realised the poignant significance of hearing my son singing about the demise of his parent`s relationship.

Thankfully, he was too young to have been aware of the traumatic, heartbreaking experience at the time, so he doesn`t appear to have the same raw emotions when re-living the past that I had when writing it down on paper.

He obviously sings it from a totally different perspective and sings it quite beautifully. Only myself and my daughters understand and re-live the true pain and anguish each word portrays.

"Finding words to tell you, trying to explain
feelings aren`t like soldiers or pieces in a game
struggling with emotions, no-one is to blame
I don`t love you anymore




Buying endless presents, tugging at my heart
hoping we could find what we had right from the start
money couldn`t tempt me, my heart had closed the door
cos I don`t love you anymore

Trying to tell the children we were better off apart
watching as our actions tore into their hearts
They were too young to understand our needs
cos I don`t love you anymore

Hurt inside you tried to torture me
tears and pain were soon my destiny
In the frame, must take the blame
Cos I don`t love you anymore

I must go and find a place to hide
Revenge was sweet, you often saw me cry
Cos I don`t love you anymore


Cried myself to sleep with you lying by my side
longing for the sunrise, in the daytime I could hide
anguish pain and sorrow for what went on before
but I don`t love you anymore

Little eyes stare up and plead with me
Dad loves you, why can`t you let him see
In the frame, must take the blame
childish minds can`t see the pain inside
"Mummy`s bad, her arms should open wide"
But I don`t love him anymore.


Written by Jsj Creations